Saturday, July 30, 2011

JERK

Hey! She left you...so what? I am still here. You felt pain? Why? that's just your ego speaking. Oh, is this love you're talking about? Love comes in all sort of shits. Consider yourself lucky; I've been through worst.

I am still here though you push me away; you won't allow me to get near you, you won't take my calls, and not a reply to my messages. You scare me. You hurt me. But I am punishing myself for loving you. Serves me right huh? Nothing compares to this pain I am feeling. Oh, you feel guilty? coz you caused her nothing but pain? Good. But hey, she caused you pain as well...SHE LEFT YOU!!! she can hurt you... I won't hurt you... i won't leave you...why can't you feel that?

I am making a fool out of myself coz i fuckin' love you!

SHE LEFT YOU! I AM HERE!!! I AM HERE!!! ARE YOU BLIND!!!???

I loved you before she did... before they all did... Have you forgotten? :'(

I am here... I have always been here...

I don't know what to do to keep myself sane... I fear losing you yet I don't want to put you in chains...

I want to leave but I just can't... I just can't...coz I love you...

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

draft

i cause him nothing but headache.
i feel so selfish for wanting to stay even if he begged for time...and space...
i just can't grant him that request because i fear that he'll use that time to replace me...though i trust his love... i just couldn't take the risk...

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

POKER

Have you ever truly loved someone; the kind of love that you sacrificed a lot just so you can keep the relationship steady? She did.

She was a player; a heartbreaker to be exact. She can make a man lose his sanity in a couple of weeks or days. She drives men crazy and pushed them to their limits; to a point where they explode and lose themselves. What they don’t know is that she has a very sensitive button that could cause her to self-destruct—her heart.

She met her rival. She fell in love.

It happened for over a week’s time. They played a game of poker and the game was thrilling. She knew that it’s a risky game to play; but he gambled and laid down his cards—all in. She was caught in surprise. She had her mind on the game but her thoughts were focused on him—his poker face. She can’t read it. She was arguing whether or not he’s bluffing or telling the truth. Her friends told her to call a “FOLD” but she was hesitant that she kept silent. She tried with all her tricks to read the enemy’s face but all she can see is his assertiveness asking her to believe in him—that she need not fight. Surely, she knew she must not believe in him. She had won a lot of poker games before. Time went by so fast and the people were asking her to make up her mind. “He looks believable… He’s so pretty… Is he telling the truth… what if I lose… should I fold?” she thought to herself.  She looked at him and he gave a simple smile. “Trust me”, he said. “Fold”, she called. Indeed, her cards were no match with his. He came to her and told her “now that I won against you, can I now fight for your heart?”

“Game over” she smiled and told him; victory was his.

Monday, July 4, 2011

time machine

It’s been quite a while now since I blogged. I was busy—I still am. Well, these thoughts came to me while I was riding a jeepney on my way home. I felt stressed. Work was busy today—it’s Monday. Then I thought about the Sunday that had passed. I was with him. It was one of the best days I have had with him. It felt as if he was all mine. I wished. I was thinking about him every time I feel like my temper’s rising. I just try to keep his picture in my mind—that smile. I would receive updates via SMS from him frequently; it made me happy…especially when I thought we would go eat lunch together. Sadly, he couldn’t make it. I will have breakfast with him tomorrow though.

Remember him? My inspiration.





I wish to be his…soon. I longed for his attention ever since I first saw him.

I prayed for an inspiration and he was the answer. I wanted to find happiness and contentment and I was blessed by his company. He is not a saint—trust me. He has his weaknesses but I see his strengths. He is but a kid. What pains me is that I fear I might lose him soon—my inspiration. He has no clue how my heart beats gladly every time he held my hands; he has no clue what my feelings cry out…”Please, be mine.” 

I trust the words he said… that I hold his heart. I wish he could show me in deed—I wish he could leave them for me. But I shall wait, for I do not want to lose my inspiration…not again. He inspires me. Because I wish a lot; I dream a lot. Dreams matter to me because I plan to make them come true. He makes my dreams come true. But dreams come in package deals, sometimes, you end up having nightmares. I remember having some; I give him a beep “I had a bad dream… I don’t ever want to lose you…”

They say dreams interpret your thoughts; maybe I really do fear losing him.

I shall keep my inspiration; he keeps me going.

I will try to keep up with this. I’m sure we have “something” going on; but I want clarity. I am sorry; I do not mean to rush. I just want clarity. I fear losing him and he knows about it; my weakness. I hope and I pray that he won’t use it against me. I don’t want to get hurt not because I fear pain but because I want to keep that fire in me. When I had him, I kicked myself back to love. I want to stay in love.

Now I know this may be risky, but an inspired heart knows nothing but success.

What I’m trying to say is that, when he came in my life, I felt challenged. And he ignited that spur inside my head and my mind. I felt alive once again and he makes me smile. Maybe coz he’s my long-time crush; I really don’t know. But who cares? Right? Right.

Don't let the imaginary person in your head keep you from loving the real one right in front of you. I wish to be the one—I could be the one if he'd let me.


Pardon me for these random thoughts…he's all that I think about.



To you:

Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for making me feel this way. I will forgive you if ever you’d bring me pain. You inspire me—keep it that way. Just take good care of my trust. Take good care of me. You mean so much to me—A LOT to me. I hope you always find a reason to smile.