Merloquet Falls

When mother nature is left unadulterated by human inventions detrimental to the upkeep of natural habitat, we are shown such places full of splendor and awe for the Creator's magnificent works. Managing what we are given freely by nature is one task that must be inculcated to all generations lest we lose a beholden beauty before us. We are so lucky to be endowed with such natural resorts. I have seen many such places from my travels that has been destroyed by the inhabitant of the earth who was given authority over all creation not to destroy but to propagate and protect it.

Zamboanga City: Asia’s Latin City, blessed with historic and cultural attractions like Fort Pilar, the museum, Mt. Pulong Bato, pink sand beach, beautiful parks and hidden falls—one of which is Merloquet Falls.

Merloquet Falls, Brgy. Sibulao, Zamboanga City

One such beauty is the Merloquet Falls, a place I have come back to after eight years, still intrigued and mesmerized by the beautiful sweeping falls rendering the sweetest music of water cascading down and kissing the rocks beneath her. Located around 2 hours (78km east) from the city center, in the interiors of Barangay Sibulao, Zamboanga City’s well known tourist destination and dubbed as one of Mindanao’s popular waterfalls—Merloquet Falls is yours to explore and be part of the peaceful bliss. And enticing to be tickled by the mossy ferns, slippery stones, brushing your bare feet with soft touch grasses. It was as if Mother Nature pinned a white curtain over a luxurious forest wall.

369 concrete steps

I am much captivated by the environment as a whole, not only by the famous falls. Everything around the falls vicinity beckons the visitors to explore more and be as one with nature. Let me site the conquered moments I experienced this second time around. I could not but wonder that the people behind the promotion of this place must have been a nature lover. From the drop-off point, the 369-step concrete stairway paves the way the falls. Realizing maybe that the steep climb up would tire the guests, a line up concrete seats alongside the stairs beckons you to take your time, take a seat, enjoy the sceneries and continue to conquer the steps paving way to the falls that are pleasantly comforting; as the breeze from the swaying full grown trees provide fresh air and shade. Upon reaching the last step, the scenery of the falls give a breathtaking welcome and seems to commend you for the job well done. Cottages were made available by locals to provide visitors a place to eat and leave their baggages to savor the cool and inviting crystal clear water.

 So, what is so special about these falls? Well, Merloquet Falls is a two tiered waterfalls with the upper level located around 50 meters from the main cascade. This upper tier is handmade by nature with an inclined rock face having five separate but low cascades. Fresh water stream into a shallow basin then flows downstream into the main waterfall forming a wide curtain. Both tiers are connected with a rather difficult trail, located at the leftside, with a thick rope for support. The main cascade is wonderful; varieties of rock-face gave Merloquet Falls its majestic beauty: at the left was a higher fall then a flat rock platform, the right side is another rock form that gives it volume.

Getting upstage, slippers are to be taken off as a precautionary measure of your safety since you adapt with what nature has to offer the visitors. The side of the falls was slippery, most of the rock surface were carpeted with a layer of furry moss. Looking through the veil of water, droplets left rainbows dancing in the distance—as if the rainbows are within your reach. Sit back against the falls and get a natural massage—nothing but pure bliss. Like “Malakas at Maganda” (Adam and Eve), the flow on the left falls was quite strong and hard (like a man’s strength) while the one on the right was gently flowing downstream (like a woman’s grace). 

I was quite amused that during our trip to Merloquet Falls, almost all of the attendees were first-time visitors. After 8 years, I am back in Barangay Sibulao not because it is a mandate but because if the magnetizing attraction it offers the guests as well as coming out energized, refreshed and destressed of life's trial. Luckily, the local government is now developing the area as an eco-tourism attraction. Concrete roads were paved for easy access for vehicles, and a concrete stairway was designed for easy hiking up and down to the falls. Because of its isolation, the area remains primeval and there are a lot of strategic vantage points for photography. It’s good to note that people are not allowed to eat or drink at the waterfalls. If you do stop by, be sure to bring trash bags with you and leave the place as beautiful as you found it. Merloquet Falls is being featured in one of Zamboanga City’s local TV channel “VEZ TV: DI ATON ESTE”. Because of this, more and more locals are becoming aware of its existence. This is good news for promoting ecotourism and a great challenge for the local government. People will soon find out about Merloquet Falls and getting there was made easy. However, this would also impose threat in the pristine environment of the falls. People might destroy the beauty of the place if they are not disciplined and determined to keep the environment clean and lead the way for its upkeep.

Tree Planting and Clean-Up Activity

Thus, the nature shall leave us a passing note- enjoy its beauty and captivation for the future generations. The change should come from us, being accountable for our actions either in light of protecting this site or adding this place to the destroyed natural habitat. The choice is yours-be a responsible gatekeepers of God's works and masterpiece!

MONOPOLY

I watched a movie, which cost me a ticket worth ONE HUNDRED TWENTY PESOS, 

and this is how it looked like inside the movie house.

MINDPRO CINEMA, Zamboanga City


I asked a friend in Davao City as to the price of watching the same movie and he said it's
ONE HUNDRED THIRTY PESOS (a difference of 10pesos)
and the movie house looked (as per Google Images Results) like this:

                           

GAISANO MALL CINEMA, Davao City

See the result of the TEN PESO difference?

SEATS: Left-GMALL, Right: MINDPRO

TOP: MiNDPRO,  BOTTOM: GMALL

I won't mind if the price for a ticket would cost me 120 pesos; but they should give us what we deserve.

COMFORT?? 'NUFF SAID!

Just because your Cinema is the only one that's featuring the "great films" in this city; it does not mean that you can treat the public like mindless creatures. People may tolerate this kind of injustice but not for long. I hope the City is indeed monitoring its progress and I hope the "soon-to-open" malls will give this existing movie house a LESSON they deserve.

random thoughts to ponder - xtelledee

breaking silence

It has been more than a week now since the breakup and a lot of concerned friends ask "What happened?" I replied to only a few just for the sake of letting them hear a bit of my side of the story.

Last December, I went to his city because I miss being with him. I saved a part of my Christmas Bonus for fare and lodging. I really wanted to see him. He works at a call center company and he was on night duty during my stay. Since, he had to sleep in the morning, we had the whole afternoon to spend time. I only had three days to be with him. The first few days were spent window shopping and food tripping. Then, on my last night, he slept earlier than I did. I had the instinct to check on his FB account ( I know it was invasion of privacy but I just have to...) I read something and all I can do was to cry my heart out. He woke up asking what happened and I gave him the iPod showing the messages he sent to a certain co-worker. I told him to call the relationship off... I cannot believe he was cheating on me. I can still feel the pain... and I hate it.

We did not end the relationship...he begged for a second chance...

I bought him a ticket because he said he wanted to be home and meet his family. It was the best Christmas gift I could think of. He went home on a Saturday and had his trip back the day after. Upon arriving Davao, he told me that he's going to be a bit busy because he had to do laundry and other stuffs. I told him to get enough rest. Three days after, I saw a picture of him (at work) with a woman.... it broke my heart. To make it worse, it was with the co-worker as mentioned earlier. The comments were really slutty in a way and it really made me angry. I reviewed the woman's profile and found out an even more interesting picture... she was wearing a brassiere and shorts (since it didn't look like a nice pair of bikini) and his arms were wrapped around her waist. F*CK was all I could say. The photo was taken on the day of his arrival in Davao... it was at the time when he told me that he was busy doing laundry and went to sleep unknowingly. 

The boat is sinking... photos kept on appearing on his page and my heart is torn into bits of pieces. 

He told me I was overacting... he told me to be matured and just trust that he loves just me... how can I? 

I had a cold Christmas with him and I welcomed his new year with a breakup. I cannot take the bullshits anymore, the woman was really provoking and I hate the way he handled the situation. I broke up with him. 

He hated it... and so, we tried to patch things up...and the breakup did not last for long... we were back... 

In short, the relationship was on and off.

January 16. Death. I lost my a very good friend... he was more of a family to me. He met an accident, ended up brain-dead, died of cardiac arrest. I stayed with him until he was cold... I can never forget that day... I miss him every day... his death brought us all back together... I was lost and I felt alone... I lost Ryan. 

I told my boyfriend about the accident and even about Ryan's death... I was really hoping he would be there to give me strength and make me feel "OK". I did not go to work, I was online updating my bestfriend and Ryan's relatives in Cebu... I was busy watching over Ryan and asking the Lord for a miracle... and I suddenly saw his name pop in my Inbox. the message reads "you don't love me anymore...and if you do, you don't love me like you did before..."  ARE YOU SERIOUS??? I was at the hospital crying my heart out because my friend is dying and this is what I get from my boyfriend???

o_O

The whole week I tried to cheer him up and take away the doubts he felt inside... But the sadness of losing Ryan is getting stronger and I needed friends and loved ones around me. I need happiness and all he gave me was stress... I admit, I did not give enough time for him, however, i can clearly justify that I needed my personal space at that time. Well, the night before Ryan's burial, I went out for a fun night. We had this crazy thought that if we get drunk, maybe, we won't cause too much drama on the final day. And so we did. I had a deal with my man that I will update him of my whatevers... and I failed him... because I wanted to have fun... because I wanted my own time.. because I want to. 

The next day, he told me that we are done. 

I explained why I did not update him... my battery was empty...and I said sorry for not doing my part of the deal...I said sorry for not giving him enough time and attention. He called me a worthless woman... It was sad... really sad. The words he used were really not that nice...and all I can think of was December. 

I know it is never right to compare flaws... but, do I not deserve forgiveness? Is it too hard to forgive someone who admittedly says sorry for her mistakes? 

December. He cheated on me not just once... and I had the heart to forgive him... I forgot to balance my time and attention; I did not know how to deal with death... I was hoping he would understand... but he did not...he cannot... 

It hurts a lot whenever I read his posts telling people that I did not care for our relationship... If only I could tell him "look who's talking?"  I wonder if he forgot about December... 

I don't know if I am making my side a bit clear here... but to sum it all up, I was wrong to not give him enough attention and time...and for breaking the deal... but it was never my intention to take for granted what we had... I wanted him back... but he doesn't want me...

He cheated on me... he lied... not just once... and I lost my sense of time because of death...

Let me know if I do not deserve that chance... let me know. 

A response to “An Open Letter to CNN”

A response to “An Open Letter to CNN”

http://ohcarlaloo.com/2013/11/16/an-open-letter-to-cnn

i don’t agree with your points… see, all those highlighted views of yours are still rooted in our government system, the country being an “archipelago” is not an excuse for gov’t to sloth around and get angry whenever they are being criticized. the comment of that CNN anchor is but an eye-opener that our gov’t officials; yes, the gov’t response team of tacloban had been wiped out, but why??? the news of yolanda’s coming was announced weeks or days ahead; the gov’t should have taken rapid moves in saving the cities and should have made enough plans to keep their people safe… as they say, prevention is better than cure; had the government put on their shoes while the roads were still “accessible” to bring enough supplies to these people BEFORE they are hit by the storm, these people would have survived…had the government put MUCH EFFORT in taking people to protected shelters (those that are really safe like SAFE) a lot would have survived…had the government fully loaded hospitals or evacuation centers with medical supplies BEFORE yolanda hits land, people would have been treated well…. i see why foreigners gave those criticisms… it is because they know actions could have been done to avoid these problems… but no, the government of the Philippines is already in that habit of taking action AFTER the storm comes…back in ZAMBOANGA, they only acted AFTER the war… they could have prevented it from happening had they been alert… but no..the government is so busy..with what? our country will never learn how to be dependent..sad to say but we do deserve being called as JUAN TAMAD…because we never learn…it’s been how many years now and we are still a third world country… so there’s no reason to be proud… yes, the truth hurts.. i am hurt with what’s being said about my country but it was all true… i have to admit it was all true… there’s a lot more to say… but to sum this all up, our government is a hopeless case… all we can do is survive… and that filipino spirit of surviving is what makes us awesome in the eyes of these foreign people.. yes we should be proud…but the gov’t ought to be ashamed… they have stained the respect, trust, and hope of their people…. ask a filipino, “do you want to live in the US?” or “what country would you choose to live if you are given the chance to?” im sure, you will hear if none, but a few would choose this country…

And just recently, a news came out wherein a city (that is located on the shoreline) survived the Yolanda attack and only one person died. they were able to do so because the evacuated the area two days prior the storm is announced to hit land. if the government had the same initiative, a lot would have survived. 

this is sad and irritating as well... when will we ever learn?

At Last

"At Last"

At last you came into my life

We did not know of it

That we would meet on a night

We both could not forget

At last you gave me your love

So pure, I cannot describe

And so did I, gave my heart

To you whom I confide

At last I felt your gentle kiss

Your warm embrace my bliss

On the eight month and ninth day

I vowed a sincere "Yes."

At last our hearts found happiness

Though sooner we expect

That we's go through some struggles 

But still come out the best

At last I'm yours to keep and hold

My love, remember this

Respect and trust I give to thee

No doubts, not one regret

At last we made it through I hope

Though we may say "good bye"

To see you soon, I will stay strong

This will take just a while

I promise to be loyal and faithful

I hope you be the same

That we'd be true, we'll make it through together

and we'd both say "At last"

-fin-

talking in silence

A lot has been said and done

Hearts broken, egos stepped upon

Stricken by pain, words came

And knives went falling like rain

Minds battle with reasons and doubt

Filled with anger inside and out

Alas! a bullet kills sanity and truth

Now, I understand well and good

Yet wisdom came too late

I say, as you are now with hate

And anger, pain, and all

I see, I know, I'll take this fall

For you are blind enough

To see, I must be tough 

To believe that this too shall pass

And love is here to last

Darkness flee your soul

Let God take control

Believe in love, and see

Believe in You and Me 

a note to hatred

September 09, 2013:

I woke up to the sound of gunshots and explosions. A supposedly special day for me, turned to be the first day of terror. My city was under attack. MNLFs were found spreading havoc in five barangays; one of which was situated near our bank’s main branch. I called our manager and she, by the order of the higher heads, called off work. I was somehow happy to spend a day for rest with my mindset on “this is just another show…it will pass.” I continued on watching the local news and even went for movie trips (of course we all stayed at home). They had high-powered ammunition and weapons; more advanced than what the police/military had. It was chaos. Hostages were taken and fighters were killed in action.

September 10, 2013

Fire broke out in one of the affected area; it was said that the rebels burned houses to once again strike terror. People were told that the situation is under control yet the number of rebels increased. How did they manage to enter the “contained” zone? Where do they get backups? More hostages are held captive. What used to be a four-digit number for evacuees turned five. Hostages were used as human shield and once again, Secretary Mar Roxas said that these are not hostages because they were not hand-cuffed and they could go freely whenever they want to. And so, because of that, I want him to go up there and tell those rebels to hold him as hostage for the purpose of goodwill. F@#$ you DILG Secretary. PNOY told media that Zamboanga is not in a state of emergency. Why? Because his men insist that everything is under control (yes… their control). Again, I am dismayed. What can we see that they can’t? We are getting sleepless nights because armed men are causing mayhem in our city. People are panic buying. Stores and Banks are closed. Where is business as usual?

September 11, 2013

Surprisingly, the mayor asked for business to open and continue operations because everything is under control. Our head offices had their own discretion whether or not we should open. Sadly, we had to. I would gladly report back to work but not on a situation like this. We were only an hour open when the mayor called off operations again. WTF!?  How could she risk our lives just like that? Shortly, a few hours just after we had the chance to go home, the barangay where our bank was located, was under attack. Geez, what could have happened if we were still there? What’s wrong with you leaders? Back home, we had to pack-up and get ready in case the rebels will pass by our vicinity. The fear is sinking in. News were aired that women hostages were raped. And yet our local government were busy brainstorming as to how these rebels can “leave the city peacefully” meaning, they shall go unharmed… unpunished. Again, F@#$ you all.

A thief is beaten to death just for stealing food, material, or whatever from a single person. A rapist is automatically put to prison. A killer, when caught suffer the rightful punishment. But terrorists get to be negotiated… a 10-billion scammer gets special treatment… and so on… where is justice? How can we build up hope in these worthless leaders? 

I want my peace back.

The Art of Concealment

Everything is a work of art. From living to non-living things, one could always see beauty. Relationships are also considered as a form of art. It has a purpose why one was built, the effort on trying to create it, well-chosen materials for its composition, a determination to finish what was started, and the art of concealing the imperfections it acquired.

I wish to talk about my sculpture.

I wanted to make a diamond out of mud. This is impossible but I want to make a diamond out of mud.

My purpose is to be the happiest lady in the world. Yes, I am one of those few people who believe in happy endings. I want a "happily ever after" kind of life. Ever since my parents separated, I was trapped in a thought that "I don't deserve to be happy". What brought about the change was the time wherein I was left alone to deal with a situation which filled me with extreme anger. As I suffer alone, I was close to being insane; then it got me--why should I lose my sanity over stuffs that don't matter to them? It was then that I decided to focus on my happiness.

The steps I took were never easy but I have my Personal God. I tried my best to not give up the fight and looked forward to seeing my victory in the end. There were all sorts of distractions: friends, foes, even my own will was a distraction. I played with mud and made a sculpture of all the things I wanted until it formed a beautiful man. 

The materials never mattered to me, I have all that I need within my grasp. Engraved on it were my goals, ambitions and dreams. It was embellished by the wants of my mind, garnished by the heart of my soul, made by my own two hands--there I am almost done with my masterpiece.

I wanted this done so badly that I made haste to finish it on time. There were cracks as the mud hardened and the defects were quite visible. From here, I was disheartened. I tried to remember the time it took me to make a beauty out of it only to find out that it might not be a perfect diamond after all. The heat did some concealing yet the imperfections were still there. My sculpture is a waste--I thought.

I'm still thinking about whether or not that statue will turn to a diamond. Right now, my eyes are set on the flaws; not knowing a better way to hide them. Seeing these, I hated my creation. Why can't it be the way I wanted it? I prayed that the statue itself would do me a favor and turn itself into a diamond. Then again, that would define "impossible".

Should I go on with it? Can I make this? That I do not know...just yet.

This is art.

WORTH.THY

My emotions put words to my blogs. It's been some months now since I broke my silence from within. I still write about him.


It was only the other night when I cried myself to sleep--the reason was no other but sin
.
I was and still am jealous.

"She's just a friend"  he says.

It was just by accident or fate when I came across their pictures. They were together that night sharing smiles and a so-called "never"... He went home drunk then and I was trembling in anger. I went over his messages and surely hers were there. She was telling him things that are of no help. I am sure she's in a relationship but why would she feed his mind with the thought of him not finding the right one--yet.

I cried. I texted her and expressed my honest opinion about her existence. I don't hate her... I just hate what she is doing.

Came morning, my eyes were swollen. I could not help but hate what had happened. I was really literally hoping that time would stop because I just can't go on. I attended the morning mass with his mom; and my tears fell as I tell her what happened that night. She said that I should not pay attention and that all he said were not true--he's just drunk.

A lot of things played in my mind. The words he spoke...those words... they burn.

He asked that I leave him because he is never worthy of my love...my goodness. "I'm an a**hole"--this he said over and over again.

Worth. How do we measure worth? Worth...is it not what we give to those we love?

If someone loves you, you are then worthy of that love...so take good care of it.

Why can he not see that I give him love because he deserves it?

As much as possible, I would want to give him all that he desires; if that's how he measures love then so be it. I would like him to feel the most wonderful thing in the world while I live... while I still live.

"Why do you love me this much?", he would ask.

~"Because with you, by loving you, I feel love. and loved."  my heart whispers.

When in Rome

When in Rome, do as Romans do.

More often than not, we find ourselves “adjusting” to a culture we seem to not understand--it could be at work, school, seminars, gatherings and the like. The most obvious reason as to why we try to adapt is to build a good relationship. We try to please people and promote peace and harmony—we adjust ourselves to each other’s likings. However, it seems like the “adjustments” we do lead to “pretention”.

Are you really adapting or are you pretending? Hmmm, let’s do some serious thinking.

In life, we face challenges that test our ability to handle critics.

tears run dry

You know what makes me happy?

Him.

For the past few weeks, I had spent many nights with him. We had wonderful talks and shared blissful memories doing things spontaneously. We cooked, watched movies, bought a dart kit for fun, and lots more. He shared his stories and I did so too. For the time being, we were caught up in our own world; not minding what others would think or say.

Came one day, he asked that I wake him up early morning only to find out that his mom was brought to the hospital. Hurriedly, we decided that he’d watch his mom and I go to work. We spent the night in his home together with his sister telling ghost stories and eating on a fast food diet.  It was fun and I felt like I belong in his world now; at least for that moment.

Suddenly, I felt like I must be on guard. Everything seemed to be perfect—at some point, I know I would experience the opposite. Good things come in twos; bad things? Well, in threes.

Last night, after watching a great movie, “Shutter Island”, he went to the bathroom and I snooped on his mobile inbox. There it was, her name; it meant princess (in her religion). I browsed over and my heart pounded as I read the messages.

Babe…lunch…mwah…sorry…I miss you…schedule…honey…see you…I hope…take care…

I felt pain. Agony. And my heart cried adamantly.

I laid down. He came out.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Nothing.” I replied.

I wish I could tell him what’s really going on in my mind. If only he knew how painful it is seeing his messages for her, the likes on her wall posts, their name calling, frequently communicating, and the like. I wish he knew how I struggle to fit in; feeling like I am but an option to his countless choices. Why can’t he just appreciate me? Why? Yet “nothing” was all that I could say. The worst part is, I knew somehow that I would reach this point; I was just not ready for that blow.

I cried.

He begged that I tell him what happened so that we could fix things up. I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know what’s WRONG; with me. I cried. I wanted to get drunk right there and then but the bottle of vodka seemed to be on his side. I cried my heart out and I begged for him to tell me what he sees in “them” and cannot seem to find in “me”. He said he was sorry and asked me a question:

“Now that you know what I can do to you… now that you know who or what I really am…do you love me still?”

Tears kept on filling my eyes as I feel pain clutching my chest as though It wants me dead.

“I love you.”

Those words came out almost instantly. I didn’t know what else to say but the truth.

I love him. Despite the flaws and the competitions going on, I loved him. I cannot see myself not loving him. I apologized for feeling hurt because I know I am in no position to feel that way; I do not own him. He was never mine. I apologized for reading the messages because I invaded his privacy.

He promised that he will stop communicating with her and everyone else. I do not believe him but I appreciated the thought. I will only believe in his words if he’d gave me his all—his love. Til that day comes, I choose to love him unconditionally; not knowing how… or why… or until when. But I will love him because I love. Only him.

I know this seem to be foolish. But only those who truly love could understand. 

betrayal

I am a mess. My heart is a traitor.

Have you ever felt betrayed by your own self? I tell you, it’s not a good feeling. All I wanted was to love and be loved. I am not that hard to please. I blame myself for the pain I am feeling right now.

1.)    I knew you were owned by her yet I played your game. It was never my intention to ruin a relationship; neither do I intend to fall deeply. Then again, I let my guard down and here I am now…acting desperately...shit.

2.)    I was completely aware that every moment, spent with you, is equivalent to an excruciating pain if ever you leave. I know that I could not handle such torment yet I went on.

3.)    I promised myself that I won’t end up being treated like a fool; not by you. I don’t want to be in her shoes. But I stayed; stepped in voluntarily into your trap.

4.)    I believed you; every word you said… every story told by you.

5.)    I allowed myself to be just an option… I knew they exist but I was okay with it.

6.)    You penetrated my system; you made me cry.

7.)    I gave you the permission to lie; because I believed that what you say is true…

8.)    I made you stay; I didn’t want to let go.

9.)    I am staying; I just can’t let go.

10.)  I still love you; I guess I never stopped doing so.

These are all but random thoughts in my mind. I knew it would end up this way… I was betrayed by my own self. I betrayed ME. I really am not asking much from you. It’s just that, I am afraid to go through this alone. Though your words say “I am here”… it’s just not enough… I can’t feel you. But I can feel this anguish…inside…it’s killing me… 

JERK

Hey! She left you...so what? I am still here. You felt pain? Why? that's just your ego speaking. Oh, is this love you're talking about? Love comes in all sort of shits. Consider yourself lucky; I've been through worst.

I am still here though you push me away; you won't allow me to get near you, you won't take my calls, and not a reply to my messages. You scare me. You hurt me. But I am punishing myself for loving you. Serves me right huh? Nothing compares to this pain I am feeling. Oh, you feel guilty? coz you caused her nothing but pain? Good. But hey, she caused you pain as well...SHE LEFT YOU!!! she can hurt you... I won't hurt you... i won't leave you...why can't you feel that?

I am making a fool out of myself coz i fuckin' love you!

SHE LEFT YOU! I AM HERE!!! I AM HERE!!! ARE YOU BLIND!!!???

I loved you before she did... before they all did... Have you forgotten? :'(

I am here... I have always been here...

I don't know what to do to keep myself sane... I fear losing you yet I don't want to put you in chains...

I want to leave but I just can't... I just can't...coz I love you...

draft

i cause him nothing but headache.

i feel so selfish for wanting to stay even if he begged for time...and space...

i just can't grant him that request because i fear that he'll use that time to replace me...though i trust his love... i just couldn't take the risk...

POKER

Have you ever truly loved someone; the kind of love that you sacrificed a lot just so you can keep the relationship steady? She did.

She was a player; a heartbreaker to be exact. She can make a man lose his sanity in a couple of weeks or days. She drives men crazy and pushed them to their limits; to a point where they explode and lose themselves. What they don’t know is that she has a very sensitive button that could cause her to self-destruct—her heart.

She met her rival. She fell in love.

It happened for over a week’s time. They played a game of poker and the game was thrilling. She knew that it’s a risky game to play; but he gambled and laid down his cards—all in. She was caught in surprise. She had her mind on the game but her thoughts were focused on him—his poker face. She can’t read it. She was arguing whether or not he’s bluffing or telling the truth. Her friends told her to call a “FOLD” but she was hesitant that she kept silent. She tried with all her tricks to read the enemy’s face but all she can see is his assertiveness asking her to believe in him—that she need not fight. Surely, she knew she must not believe in him. She had won a lot of poker games before. Time went by so fast and the people were asking her to make up her mind. “He looks believable… He’s so pretty… Is he telling the truth… what if I lose… should I fold?” she thought to herself.  She looked at him and he gave a simple smile. “Trust me”, he said. “Fold”, she called. Indeed, her cards were no match with his. He came to her and told her “now that I won against you, can I now fight for your heart?”

“Game over” she smiled and told him; victory was his.

time machine

It’s been quite a while now since I blogged. I was busy—I still am. Well, these thoughts came to me while I was riding a jeepney on my way home. I felt stressed. Work was busy today—it’s Monday. Then I thought about the Sunday that had passed. I was with him. It was one of the best days I have had with him. It felt as if he was all mine. I wished. I was thinking about him every time I feel like my temper’s rising. I just try to keep his picture in my mind—that smile. I would receive updates via SMS from him frequently; it made me happy…especially when I thought we would go eat lunch together. Sadly, he couldn’t make it. I will have breakfast with him tomorrow though.

Remember him? My inspiration.

I wish to be his…soon. I longed for his attention ever since I first saw him.

I prayed for an inspiration and he was the answer. I wanted to find happiness and contentment and I was blessed by his company. He is not a saint—trust me. He has his weaknesses but I see his strengths. He is but a kid. What pains me is that I fear I might lose him soon—my inspiration. He has no clue how my heart beats gladly every time he held my hands; he has no clue what my feelings cry out…”Please, be mine.” 

I trust the words he said… that I hold his heart. I wish he could show me in deed—I wish he could leave them for me. But I shall wait, for I do not want to lose my inspiration…not again. He inspires me. Because I wish a lot; I dream a lot. Dreams matter to me because I plan to make them come true. He makes my dreams come true. But dreams come in package deals, sometimes, you end up having nightmares. I remember having some; I give him a beep “I had a bad dream… I don’t ever want to lose you…”

They say dreams interpret your thoughts; maybe I really do fear losing him.

I shall keep my inspiration; he keeps me going.

I will try to keep up with this. I’m sure we have “something” going on; but I want clarity. I am sorry; I do not mean to rush. I just want clarity. I fear losing him and he knows about it; my weakness. I hope and I pray that he won’t use it against me. I don’t want to get hurt not because I fear pain but because I want to keep that fire in me. When I had him, I kicked myself back to love. I want to stay in love.

Now I know this may be risky, but an inspired heart knows nothing but success.

What I’m trying to say is that, when he came in my life, I felt challenged. And he ignited that spur inside my head and my mind. I felt alive once again and he makes me smile. Maybe coz he’s my long-time crush; I really don’t know. But who cares? Right? Right.

Don't let the imaginary person in your head keep you from loving the real one right in front of you. I wish to be the one—I could be the one if he'd let me.

Pardon me for these random thoughts…he's all that I think about.

To you:

Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for making me feel this way. I will forgive you if ever you’d bring me pain. You inspire me—keep it that way. Just take good care of my trust. Take good care of me. You mean so much to me—A LOT to me. I hope you always find a reason to smile.

Jealousy

It can kill.

They say LOVE is never jealous; nor selfish. That's why it is so hard to love.

How can one not be jealous if the person s/he loves is owned by another? Who would consider his/her feelings? Who's being selfish? 

Love is but a stressful emotion. You love to feel happy yet you end up in pain. You love to be taken seriously yet it turns out to be a game. How can you love when all you do is batter each other's heart with lies and broken promises? You set high hopes and fall deeply only to find out that you are about to hit the ground; seeing that nobody is down there to catch you. But there's nothing you can do but to take the fall. 

I fell for love many times now; sad to say I am still counting. I feel so stupid loving someone who is tied in a relationship. Enjoying each other's company and having blissful moments are memories to keep. My heart was completely set that this romance will not last; knowing his heart is with someone else. Unfortunately, it turns out that I cannot help but fall for him. I loved him ever since teenage years. 

How can love be so cruel? Why can't we be with the one we love? Why does it have to be so complicated? 

I am now doubting my ability to love; am I able to love genuinely?

Am I worthy to be loved?

1711

1711

I stayed in this room since June 8. I am here for a seminar/training til June 25. 

My room mate is Michelle Veloso; I call her Maike. She's from Cagayan de Oro. She's cute and bubbly. She has this sweet tone of voice. She is fun to be with and I enjoy her company. She's my teacher; she sets curfew when it comes to TV time. You see, everyday, we have an exam and she reminds me to study every night. I learn from her; Maike would discuss the module and I listen to her. I could not imagine my scores if ever I did not have her as my room buddy. We get good scores but still, we aim for higher ranks. We laugh about random stuffs. She's a camera shy person but I always insist. :)  She is my alarm clock and my check-list. 

That's Maike covered in her blanket. :)

On weekends or free-time, we go to Market Market to look for affordable clothes. One thing I like about her is her simplicity. Rarely would I hear her complain--unless we are already hungry. :)   I will surely miss her when our training ends. I am glad that I share the room with her. :)

We bought the same black shorts; sort of a remembrance... :)

Well, if ever she gets to read this, I'd really like to say "Maike, thank you for being sweet and nice. Thanks for the company and I hope you will never forget the fun times... :) thanks for helping me cross the streets... and lots more... I am glad that I met you... :) Thanks mucho!" 

We  only have a week now; and I feel kind of a dramatic... haha.. 

fin

Makati City

MAKATI CITY-- a busy place. Lights everywhere. It is as if people never sleep in this city.

At St. Giles Hotel, roof deck, we took some random shots of the city lights. 

Sea of Lights

See how busy they are. This was taken at around 2am; still there's medium traffic.

The night lights amuse me.

LEGO. The buildings looked like Lego from here. 

I am here for a seminar. The hotel has 35 floors. The city is busy and I feel stressed out. It's good to be here but I cannot imagine myself wanting to live here. Traffic is heavy, polluted streets, busy people, stressful lifestyle. But seeing such scenery; even watching streetlights bring out the art in this city. I loved it. 

Summer Sarap

Summer ends with a splash… With my officemates, we spent our summer outing at 

Zamboanga Ecozone Mar Y Monte Nature and Water Park… 

The day was freakin’ hot yet the sun can’t stop us from having fun… :) here’s a little something I made…

Sadly, some could not join the FUN due to work and commitments. 

EastWest Bank Zamboanga Summer Outing 2011