finger

This little finger I give to you, not the thumb; for a thumb is used for a "great" or "boo", a "live" or "kill", and none of which fits you. A thumb is far from the other four; that's what makes it easier for a hand to work. Thumbs up or down, surely I can give you more. But, I choose to give another finger, not a thumb for sure.

This little finger I give to you, not the index; I'm not making a point.The index is used to point out mistakes, to stress, and win a debate. Surely, you would not want to take that finger for yourself, would you? 

This little finger I give to you, not middle one. You would know what that is for, I need not state it all. Then again, the middle finger I'll use for those who play games and leave hearts to bleed as they inflict more pain.

This little finger I give to you, not the pinky. The pinky is the one used to start a count, aside from that I cannot think more about. It doesn't matter if you came first or not, what matters most is that I found you at last. This pinky finger is not for you, 1,2,3,4, I'd need five to continue.

This little finger I give to you, the most powerful of all that binds "me" and "you". This finger could build homes and tear it down at the same time, a finger I call "divine". I choose to give this finger I own, to you and you alone.   It's clearly named as you put a ring to it; you got it right, This ring finger I give. 'Til that day comes where we give our vows, I shall remain trustworthy of your love somehow. Though the road may be tough as we travel to that day, I promise you that I will wait and stay. This finger I give may you respect and cherish; as for me, I shall wait 'til we marry. 

Jannie

To Jannie:

I’ve known you for years already yet I can only write a few. Time was not on our side and I was not given proper opportunity to introduce myself to you back then. I admired you though, as a sister. You are smart and mysterious, that was the impression I had. Last year, it was as if fate brought us back together. I needed a big sister. Someone who would assure me that everything will be fine since “she’s been there”. It was a lot of heartache. It was really sweet of you; keeping up with my posts and giving me your best comfort. I had someone to talk with—a big sister. Luckily, I finally had the chance to have a real conversation with you—in person.

That day, at a famous pastry restaurant, we had our lunch meal. I found it amazing to be comfortable around you. You had that magic in you; making people feel at ease. I went freely with my sharing and you gave me the great advices. You listened very well and I felt understood. It was funny that we had a common friend to talk about though… I felt so “light” tagging along with you and talking about random things and eating at a public place. That day was never enough. I am glad it did not end there.

I shared a friend with you the second time we hangout. I was pleased that you two got along pretty well. We had fun, thanks to you. You are a good ice breaker. It was as if I was the stranger and you two were close buddies. Those days will forever be cherished by me.  Star gazing, hiking, eating, making desserts, video tripping, and lots of chatting—moments like these are priceless to me. And you made it even more FUN; worthwhile.  I liked it and because of you, I loved that other friend of ours. It was as if you glued me to him. I know you knew about my feelings, and you had your own “cute” way of letting me “spill the beans”. You are so cool.

I am an open book and you read pretty well. Of course, you read me your stories too. You’ve been through a lot of pain and regrets. But you asked me not to see it as such; you told me that all will pass and everything will be okay—in time. I saw how you turned weaknesses into strengths, failures turned lessons, and rejection became opportunities. I held my head high yet you knew that I needed support. Well, you gave me support in all my decisions. You are my big sister.

I wish you happiness, love and success. Though I know things are quite tough for us for now, may you never forget that I love you Ate Jannie and I am really blessed that I have you as my friend. I am sorry if I made you sad with my decisions, but I know you will understand. You always understand me and give me advices that kept me going.

Ate Jan, may you always feel love and share love. I will be your friend as long as you want me to. I love you and Happy Birthday.

From: Christelle

i.wait

I am thinking about my soldier. It’s raining and it’s cold here. I lay on my belly facing the laptop that my mom left us with. I listen to the songs on my playlist.  I think about him. I wonder how he’s doing out there in the mountains; conquering rebel camps, crossing enemy lines, sleepless nights, starvation, surviving, or even the thought of death. My heart weeps at the thought of losing him. However, I must remain strong and optimistic. All is well—he assures me.

I am thinking about my soldier. The one who I spent few days with; shared laughter, had moments of discussing dreams, and the like. I knew he has a good soul for he’s a gentleman. Though I knew him for only a short period, I feel like I know much already.

I am thinking about my soldier; that soldier who so bravely confessed his feelings at the moment I did not expect. On that first night, he loudly claims that he loves me and wants me to be his. Though I was caught in a rush, he gave me time to think and respected every word I say. He listened to my arguments and would sweetly rebut if he feels like doing so.

I am thinking about my soldier; the soldier who broke his SIM card and threw it in the sea. Seeing that he triggered my anger, he boldly got rid of his SIM just to prove his honesty and win back my trust. He almost cried—in my presence. It was humiliating yet I felt the opposite. I must say, he really made a scene there; and I will forever remember.

I am thinking about my soldier. He carried me on his back. I felt like a kid again and he allowed me. His eyes were hypnotic, smile—captivating, lips were innocent, and body—warm. He is strong yet gentle in every way. He loves to take pictures. He seizes every moment he could. He is funny and lovable.

I am thinking about my soldier. He left me and I guess he took my heart with him. He faces a battle that cost his life—and mine. My heart is with him. Days were filled with worries and tears as I think about him. He calls and would reply to my messages ASAP. He knows that I love to hear from him; so he gives his best to bring me love and happiness.

I am thinking about my soldier; it is never easy. I had my share for shedding tears and it is painful. I feel heavy whenever I worry. Though he assures me that he is safe, I still die inside at the thought of him—risking his life. Only his voice could calm me down, of course, prayers help indeed. Messages would come and go due to communication constraints.

I am thinking about my soldier. I love him. I miss him. I long for him. I know we shall see each other soon. I will make memories with him once again. It’s never easy to love a soldier but I love one and am being loved by the same. I wish we could forever be together. But until that wish comes true, all I can do is write five words for a beginning and continue collecting memories. I shall write this way until I can no longer remember.

I am thinking about my soldier… J

JAN 4, 2011 9:48pm KEA775

alchemist

“Why do we have to listen to our hearts?” the boy asked.

The alchemist replied “because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.”

“But my heart is agitated,” the boy said. “It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it’s become passionate over a woman of the desert. It asks things of me, and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I’m thinking about her.”

“Well, that’s good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what is has to say.”

The boy’s heart began to speak of fear; at times it told the boy that it was satisfied: it had found love and riches.

“My heart is a traitor,” the boy said to the alchemist. “It doesn’t want me to go on.”

“That makes sense,” the alchemist answered. “Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.”

“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”

“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”

“You mean I should listen, even if it’s treasonous?”

“Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.

“You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow.”

One afternoon, his heart told him that it was happy. “Even though I complain sometimes,” it said. “it’s because I’m the heart of a person, and people’s hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.”

“My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy told the alchemist.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse that the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

He told his heart. “When I have been truly searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous, because I’ve known that every hour was a part of the dream that I would find it. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I’ve discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seems impossible for a shepherd to achieve.”

His heart spoke to him later that evening; telling him that all people who are happy have God within them. “Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him.” His heart said. “We, people’s hearts, seldom say much about those treasures, because people no longer want to go in search of them. We speak of them only to children. Later, we simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them—the path to their Personal Legends, and to happiness. Most people see the world as a threatening place, an, because they do, the world turns out, indeed, to be a threatening place.

“So, we, their hearts, speak more and more softly we never stop speaking out, but we begin to hope that our words won’t be heard: we don’t want people to suffer because they don’t follow their hearts”

“Why don’t people’s heart tell them to continue to follow their dreams?” the boy asked the alchemist

“Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer.”

The boy asked for his heart to please, never stop speaking to him.

“…before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which… one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.”

“…every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.”

Remember… “the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.”

Life really is generous to those who pursue their Personal legend.

-I got this from Paolo Coelho's The Alchemist... I just want to share one of my favorite discussion.

violet

I saw a puppy, and it came to me: “Oh how adorable this thing is… I wish I could keep him.” It was leashed and a bolt secures a no-escape possibility. I wondered how it got there because I see no sign of its owner around. The puppy is a “he” and his name is Violet. Odd as it may seem, but I find him pretty amusing. I sat beside violet and offered him a snack; the pup refused and sat beside me maintaining its distance. It was as if he had been told not to entertain strangers. I was intrigued by Violet’s manner of greeting.

“Hi, Violet!” I said politely. He looked at me—tongue’s out and tail’s wagging. I gave him a pat on his head, down his back and gave him a tight hug. I was pleased because he allowed me.

“I’m Chris… are you all alone?” said I. He nodded, confirming that he is alone. Amazing! I thought to myself. I really want to own this puppy. He’s so cute and cuddly. I sat with Violet that day; telling him stories and playing with him. I wish I could play fetch or chase with him; if only I could free him.

“Hmmm, let me see…” I whispered as I try to find a way to unlock his chain and set him free. Seeing that I am planning for an escape, Violet howled and growled. He was telling me to leave him alone. He grind with his teeth and scared the hell out of me. I screamed and threw myself away from the bolt; away from Violet. I was crying because I got scared and I saw him give me a sigh as though wanting me to know that he did not mean to hurt me. I gathered all my stuff then left for home.

On my way home, I was thinking about Violet—why is he there? Was he waiting for someone? The night was cold and it was raining.

Morning came and I had my usual walk. As always, I brought my camera along with me, my mobile phone, a sketchpad, a pencil, music player, water and snacks. I love taking a long walk. I feel as if I am crossing dimensions and entering portals. My camera helps me capture discoveries, I sketch landscapes, and music plus food kept me going. Then, it came to me; I know this place. Violet is a few distance ahead. I wonder if he’s still there; if he’s all right. I marveled at the thought of Violet; being hungry and cold. So, there was no other way to clear my mind but to check him out.

There he was, sitting like a guard dog, staring at the vast forest. I went for a closer look and it appeared to me that he’s okay. I was about to turn my back and head for my “walk” but I can’t stand the thought that the pup was still leashed. I continued my pace and went straight to Violet. I must say he was surprised at my presence. I said “Hi” once again and gently approached him for a pat. He was warm—maybe he wants to make up for his rude behavior yesterday. I sat with violet and made him listen to my playlist. I was brushing my hands to his hair while I sing my favorite tune.

“Where’s your master, Violet?” I asked. Violet stood and stared at a path leading to a place I’d call “somewhere”.  “Oh” I thought to myself. Violet saw his master leave and was hoping for his return. I looked at his collar and saw full details: Name, Address, and a Contact Number. I told Violet that I could take him home. But he looked unhappy with my idea of setting him “free”. It occurred to me that his owner might have given him strict orders to stay and wait. “My…what a well trained puppy,” said I. I took a picture with Violet and left him some food. I had to continue on my exploration. I kissed him goodbye and left.

The rain came again that night, and I thought of Violet. Is he all right? He might be cold. I went out bringing a thick blanket, some dog food, warm milk, a flashlight, a used tarpaulin and an umbrella. I rushed towards the woods and looked for Violet. I ran as fast as I can and got myself bruised. Wishing that Violet would no longer be there, I felt tears fall down my eyes. There I was, catching my breath, I saw the leash; on its end was a poor pup. I felt pain. I positioned the umbrella and the tarpaulin to shelter Violet—it was almost as good as a tent. Then I wrapped him with the thick blanket to keep him warm and cozy. I fed him with dog biscuits and made him drink the warm milk. He was satisfied yet I saw his eyes struggle to see through the dark path. He was hoping that his master would soon free him. I tried to destroy the leash but I did not bring any tools with me. I forced the collar off on Violet’s neck yet I end up hurting him. I cried. I cannot help him. But Violet remained calm. I never heard him “cry”. I could almost hear his thoughts—“Master, please come back for me.”

The next day, I went straight to Violet. I brought some dog toys with me so that he can play. He was quite amused by the toys but I would still catch him staring, with his sad eyes, on the vast forest. “Violet, I could free you.  I can take you home to your owner. If only you would let me.” I spoke to him. Violet sat still. I took a closer look at the bolt—it’s one of a kind; a kind which can’t be unlocked by a simple hair pin or wires. It needs a key—a special key. No matter how hard I’d try, only one key could set him free. I scouted the place and looked for a key. I was not able to find one. This is me, acting stupid, hoping that Violet’s owner dropped the key somewhere.  Then I got tired. I am sitting beside Violet again.

“Violet, where’s your key?”

I tried to contact Violet’s owner but the line seems to have been cut.

Seeing that I was really serious about rescuing him, violet gave me a cuddle. I was surprised because he was FREE! I mean, unleashed!  “How’d you do that? All this time you could break free! Silly dog!” Then Violet gave me comfort and assured me that he’s alright. And I saw it; he placed the collar back to his neck and he was leashed again. It occurred to me that Violet was never under any order to stay or wait. His owner might have left him there with the intention to leave him. But this little puppy leashed himself and is now waiting for his master to set him free. Then again, he can break free anytime—if he wishes.

“Why do you wish to stay this way, Violet?” I cried. He has this magical way of transmitting his thoughts to my brain. “I want her to realize that she has the key. I want her to see me leashed. I want her to know that she owns me still. She might have left me, but I will forever be hers. Until I choose to leave. The key is with my master. Only my master could set me free. I need her to free me.” That was it. Violet is waiting for his master to return. She might have left him, but she never did set him free.

Leaving someone and freeing someone are two different things.

To Violet’s owner:

You still own Violet. You forgot to take off his collar. That collar you gave him has your name and address on it. That collar makes him think that you're coming back—that you are his owner.You might have left him but he’s waiting for your return. Only you have the key that could free Violet completely.  This pup is waiting for your return. He loves you truly.