My emotions put words to my blogs. It's been some months now since I broke my silence from within. I still write about him.
It was only the other night when I cried myself to sleep--the reason was no other but sin
.
I was and still am jealous.
"She's just a friend" he says.
It was just by accident or fate when I came across their pictures. They were together that night sharing smiles and a so-called "never"... He went home drunk then and I was trembling in anger. I went over his messages and surely hers were there. She was telling him things that are of no help. I am sure she's in a relationship but why would she feed his mind with the thought of him not finding the right one--yet.
I cried. I texted her and expressed my honest opinion about her existence. I don't hate her... I just hate what she is doing.
Came morning, my eyes were swollen. I could not help but hate what had happened. I was really literally hoping that time would stop because I just can't go on. I attended the morning mass with his mom; and my tears fell as I tell her what happened that night. She said that I should not pay attention and that all he said were not true--he's just drunk.
A lot of things played in my mind. The words he spoke...those words... they burn.
He asked that I leave him because he is never worthy of my love...my goodness. "I'm an a**hole"--this he said over and over again.
Worth. How do we measure worth? Worth...is it not what we give to those we love?
If someone loves you, you are then worthy of that love...so take good care of it.
Why can he not see that I give him love because he deserves it?
As much as possible, I would want to give him all that he desires; if that's how he measures love then so be it. I would like him to feel the most wonderful thing in the world while I live... while I still live.
"Why do you love me this much?", he would ask.
~"Because with you, by loving you, I feel love. and loved." my heart whispers.
