time machine

It’s been quite a while now since I blogged. I was busy—I still am. Well, these thoughts came to me while I was riding a jeepney on my way home. I felt stressed. Work was busy today—it’s Monday. Then I thought about the Sunday that had passed. I was with him. It was one of the best days I have had with him. It felt as if he was all mine. I wished. I was thinking about him every time I feel like my temper’s rising. I just try to keep his picture in my mind—that smile. I would receive updates via SMS from him frequently; it made me happy…especially when I thought we would go eat lunch together. Sadly, he couldn’t make it. I will have breakfast with him tomorrow though.

Remember him? My inspiration.

I wish to be his…soon. I longed for his attention ever since I first saw him.

I prayed for an inspiration and he was the answer. I wanted to find happiness and contentment and I was blessed by his company. He is not a saint—trust me. He has his weaknesses but I see his strengths. He is but a kid. What pains me is that I fear I might lose him soon—my inspiration. He has no clue how my heart beats gladly every time he held my hands; he has no clue what my feelings cry out…”Please, be mine.” 

I trust the words he said… that I hold his heart. I wish he could show me in deed—I wish he could leave them for me. But I shall wait, for I do not want to lose my inspiration…not again. He inspires me. Because I wish a lot; I dream a lot. Dreams matter to me because I plan to make them come true. He makes my dreams come true. But dreams come in package deals, sometimes, you end up having nightmares. I remember having some; I give him a beep “I had a bad dream… I don’t ever want to lose you…”

They say dreams interpret your thoughts; maybe I really do fear losing him.

I shall keep my inspiration; he keeps me going.

I will try to keep up with this. I’m sure we have “something” going on; but I want clarity. I am sorry; I do not mean to rush. I just want clarity. I fear losing him and he knows about it; my weakness. I hope and I pray that he won’t use it against me. I don’t want to get hurt not because I fear pain but because I want to keep that fire in me. When I had him, I kicked myself back to love. I want to stay in love.

Now I know this may be risky, but an inspired heart knows nothing but success.

What I’m trying to say is that, when he came in my life, I felt challenged. And he ignited that spur inside my head and my mind. I felt alive once again and he makes me smile. Maybe coz he’s my long-time crush; I really don’t know. But who cares? Right? Right.

Don't let the imaginary person in your head keep you from loving the real one right in front of you. I wish to be the one—I could be the one if he'd let me.

Pardon me for these random thoughts…he's all that I think about.

To you:

Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for making me feel this way. I will forgive you if ever you’d bring me pain. You inspire me—keep it that way. Just take good care of my trust. Take good care of me. You mean so much to me—A LOT to me. I hope you always find a reason to smile.