The Desk

This is a part of my desk; I cannot take a full shot on my area because of Company Policy. That's my monitor. On it's right side, you will see the tape, scissors, stamps, ink pad and printer (the others were not included in the picture). On the other side is where the receipts, coin holder, baskets, and others are placed. That's my calculator right on the front. Luckily, when I took ownership of this desk, they allowed me to keep the Sto. Nino figurine; it gives me hope that the day would go well. Posted at the back of my monitor is a picture of my Savior-Christ. It helps me stay reminded that everything I do is for His glory.

These are my desk buddies; I use them a lot. 

Whenever I'm bored, I play with the used staples and form letters. Some time after noon, I formed an L-O-V-E. The light reflected on the letter-O and it looked cool; I added a neon-effect to it. I do crazy stuffs when there are no clients around. Crazy meaning I try to shoo boredom. I scribble, staple, etc. That's my pen, one of the clients liked my pen. She said, "That's a nice pen... I really like it (smiling)". In reply, "Thank you (this-is-mine-smile)"  My thoughts go random and I'm sorry.

Well, workdays occupy my week. I am always tired but I don't feel bad about it. I love my job. Really. Though my job keeps me away from social networks, I try my best to release my thought every once in a while. You see, when my thoughts are full, people will never like how I'd behave. I'd feel restless. That's why I blog.

By the way, a bit about me, i really am a loner. I earned friends but not much; I really have a problem losing them...especially their time. I know they are busy...I just don't want to be alone. But I guess that's just who I am... a loner... and i don't give a .... oops! time to sleep. 

Til next time.

I remember...

This is the song that inspired me to play the guitar.

I was in High School then, I bought M2M's tape Shades of Purple. I played it over and over again using our Hello Kitty Radio. I loved this band and so I told myself that I want to learn how play the guitar. And so, during my senior year, after my tragic accident, I took hold of a guitar and the chord sheet. I figured how to read it and started playing the strings. I had nothing to do but to sit and stay sick. I could not move; my leg is injured. I played and I know I played well. I was able to play this song.

I really loved playing the guitar, however, my priorities are more important than hobbies. I am a geek way back then. I was about to enter College. The spirit of becoming a good guitarist faded away. There are things i'm proud of though; I taught a few of my Co-Vols how to play the guitar. I am a good teacher! Yes! They turned out to be good at it. Then they taught the others and so on and so forth.

Now, as I was browsing over YouTube,  I happen to type the characters M2M. It brought me back to that artistic side of me. I have been wanting to own a guitar... I hope somebody would hand me one as a present. 

The Rush

Yesterday, while we were waiting for the Mass to start, I asked my father “Da, pag ikakasal ako, gagastos ka ba ng bonggang-bongga?” (Dad, if i get married, wil you spend for it extravagantly?)  He told me that it depends as to whom I’ll get married to. He asked if it’s the soldier boy I’m talking about and i gave a huge sigh. I told him, I don’t want to get married with a soldier; he’d only end up hurting me. I told my dad that I want to get married someday but I feel like the right man is lost somewhere out there. He told me to be patient. I told him I’m not getting any younger and he gave me these words—- DON’T RUSH.

He told me a story about his friend who prayed for a good partner:

“Lord, I pray that you bless me with a loving partner… Let him be in an all-white wardrobe… I will wait no matter what as long as i know that you chose him for me…”  months passed and some years have gone by, and at last, someone came knocking on her door. As she opened it, she found a man standing in front of her dressed in white. She slammed the door closed and recalled her prayer. She was surprised! She opened the door once again and helped the visitor in. Later on, they got married.

My dad asked me to pray for real hard and reminded me this thought “If you ask God to LOOK for a partner; don’t go searching anymore.”  I gave it a thinking and I found myself smiling. Funny how I God answered my prayers and I still go on finding loopholes. It’s as if I tell Him that His will be done “UNDER MY CONDITIONS”… Yeah, I know it’s stupid.

Anyway, I told my dad I still want to get married someday. I asked him to pray for me. And I said to him; that if I get to like someone someday (again), I’d like for him to know that person as well. AND REMIND them not to break my heart anymore because I’ve had enough already. He looked at me and said in reply, “Just pray for it. Don’t Rush.”

Fin

been so long

It's been quite a while since i last blogged. I usually tell my blog buddy that I don't have something to blog about. I held on to that thought so as to have reasons for not blogging; but honestly, I was just trying to hide my emotions.

Yesterday changed it all; I had to go on blogging.

I went to see him; hoping I could see him and get some answers--why did you leave me just like that?

It was 7pm when I reached the camp; I received a text message telling me that he's no longer there. I was told that he had gone back and that he looked very sickly and his weight had gone down. I was walking my way towards the hospital though I knew that he's no longer there. I just had to go and seek for him. It was dark and the journey seemed unending. it took me almost an hour to reach the place; I asked for him and was instructed to try my luck on the other Wards. Sadly, the nurse told me that no record was found for such name.

My emotions got mixed up perfectly and I found myself walking towards the place where he first asked for my sweet "Yes." I saw a figure; I wished it was him. I remembered the night Jan 4; it was at that place... My heart burst out in tears; I couldn't explain what I really feel inside and so I wept. It was painful; agonizing if I may say so. I thought of him; his face, his smile, how he begged for me that night., how he held me tight, doing all those silly stuffs for my sake, stolen moments; laughters, promises... It brought me grief.

All I ever wanted was to see him and talk to him. Is he that selfish that he needed to deprive me of his presence?

I cried as I walked my way out of the camp. Then, I passed by a familiar place. There were men talking in a cottage, I approached and asked for him. They asked for my name and my relation with him; I told them I have a favor to ask from him. I gave them his name and his company; they pointed me to another direction. I was trembling; not knowing what to do...There was this man who looked like a senior officer, and I interrupted his phone call conversation. Upon hearing his name, he told me that  the man I'm looking returned to his company already. I gave out a fake smile and said "ok. thank you."

I felt my heart shatter into pieces. I was told that he was actually here over the weekend and the next day, he was brought back to their battalion. I remembered well, he called me up; it was  on a Saturday. He told me a lie.

As I find myself walking towards the gate, I feel even more depressed; I will never have another chance to see him again. Never again. And so I wept. I cried. I cried.

I am badly broken. I can't seem to forget.