add.vices

Some friends (man or woman) would usually ask me for advices regarding their “love life”. They usually start to complain about their partners being apathetic, insensitive, lack of quality time, effortless, and the like. They would spill their anger and talk as if they were victims of torture; as if their mate were always “wrong”. Then again, in the middle of the conversation, they would confess that they still want the relationship to be “strong”. Common thing that they look for in their relationship is effort and time… “If only s/he could be romantic…”

Romantic. No offense to ladies, but we are usually the ones who wants to have a “romantic partner”. Then again, I consider myself unique since I do not want a romantic person. Really.

I hate to dwell on ideals. I mean, usually, during courtship (not that I experienced any) guys are so sweet and irresistible—they know just what to do. Their efforts are pushed beyond borders that they can do or give the ladies anything they’d ask for. I’ve seen a lot of “love birds” fall in and out of love. I’ve fallen too—a lot.

So here are some random complains I usually get from friends.

“I wish he’d be sweet enough…” I find this funny. You see, a guy can’t be sweet unless he wants something in return. That’s a fact. It need not be something material in matter, it can be a game he wants to see, a thing he wants to do, and the like… If he is in need, he can be the sweetest guy ever. So, you need to make him want something…and it has to be random…then he can find a reason to be sweet.

“He spends a lot of time with friends than he does with me…” of course! He’s friends were there before you came into existence in his life; what do you expect? Guys keep friends closer than anyone in their world. Never ever try to make him choose between you or his friends. Instead, be a friend to him. It would be nicer if you are in good terms with his friends… if you keep him away from his friends, his buddies would keep him away from you. Guys hate it when their friends complain or whine about his lover…it gives them the headache. So, better be good to his friends, so that when you both end up in arguments, his friends would help to patch things up…and not cut you out...

“I wish he was his old self…” define old self? The one you got to play around during courtship? Well, play time is over. If you want to be treated the same way as before, then be someone whom he’d wish to court some more… don’t stick with the usual, be extra-ordinary. Besides, the only reason why he courted you was because you were “different” among the others…So, keep that uniqueness in you and never ever fall in the label of “ordinary girls”. Surprise him. Stay beautiful.

“He’s effortless…” Guys aren’t creative in thinking… If you want something from them, tell them right away. They hate it when ladies whine over “sensitivity”. They are already sensitive in nature… that’s why they easily get angry. So don’t complicate matters, TALK. Tell him what you want…It’s simple as that… a baby cries when hungry; you ask when you want more…basic.

“Our likes don’t match…” Should it be? Well, then like what he wants… if you can’t, then you must understand why he can’t want what you want (since you can’t also want what he wants…right?)… Get it? Sometimes, you have to try what he wants…then he might try to want what you want… J but don’t force him… you should be liking what he wants for the reason that you really want too and not plainly because you want him to do the same for you.

“It’s a one-way relationship… I do all the adjustments…” adjustments like what? Your guy would plainly blame the adjustments on you…”Did I tell you to adjust... I never asked that you do it…” Damn these boys… you do everything to make things work and they sit back and not give a damn. Well, maybe you need not do a thing…maybe nothing is wrong... you see, it’s like redecorating a living room… you sweat to make it look different by switching the furniture positions yet when people come in, it’s just the same old living room—nothing new. If you want something “new” in a relationship, then provide something “NEW”. Then you can get the attention that you want. J

“He’s too selfish…” hmm, and you’re not? Why do you say so? Is it because he can’t do what you want him to do? Or be who you want him to be? Now, who’s selfish? Selfishness can only be felt when you are deprived from getting what you want. Selfishness is defined as “looking after your own desire”; so, think again.

These are only few of the many complains I have heard from my friends. I usually ask them this question “What is it that you want to happen...do you want to keep him? Or let him go”. They would usually say “I want him to change… to love me…to notice me…” The answer is simple: “Make him love you and notice you...give him reasons to do so… but you can never change him…but he can change for you…”

Your head might be filled with thoughts like “Why must I be the one to do these things?” I’ll tell you why… because you’re the one who’s complaining, that’s why. If you don’t want to sacrifice, then get the hell out of that relationship—why waste time?

I am only giving random advices to those who want to keep the relationship alive… for those who proclaim that they are indeed “tired” of it all, I say LET GO. Get your life back; if you can’t let go, then do not complain. When you love, you don’t have the right to complain—but you can always TALK things out. When you love, it’s either you make things work, or you let go.

Loving is an investment… it takes sacrifices to make it richer… it can boost profit or end up in bankruptcy. 

Getting to know your partner is the most crucial part in building a relationship. You must KNOW how to make each other happy and what to do when s/he is angry…

I am so sorry if this article feeds a man’s ego…I am but a girl who gives advices on how to save a boy…

I hope you find this nice.